Well, my god, I’ve done it. No more SAHM. I am feeling super lucky to say that I can now change my acronymic tag to WAHM.
I have total respect for women (and men) who choose to stay at home and raise their children. I think it is the toughest job in the world, and that’s why I don’t think I could do it for the long term. I think after awhile I would begin to feel one dimensional, like being a mother was all there was to me. That wouldn’t do anything for my self confidence and then I think there would be a knock on effect on my relationship with Bird. If I didn’t feel like I had much to offer, how could he continue to find me attractive in an emotional, mental and physical way?
Was it Oprah or the Dalai Lama who said you have to love yourself before you can love someone else? Someone very wise anyway.
I find it a little perplexing that I need to work to feel more complete and more myself. If you had asked me before having children about all of this, I would have told you I thought that being a mother would make me feel whole. Now, here I find myself with two beautiful children and I feel the process of becoming a mother has slightly eroded my sense of self.
It’s complicated stuff, self identity isn’t it!
I had been thinking about returning to work for a few months when about a month ago something happened which gave me the impetus I needed to act on my wishes. I’m very much a believer that you make your life how you want it. There are many things that suck about being an adult but at least as an adult you make your choices. Sure, there are some things outside your control, but for the most part you choose the life you live.
While what happened a month ago was devastating, some good has come of it. Clarity slapped me across the face. I suddenly felt the urge to change things and it was time to push myself forward and reach for what I want. I don’t know if I have some astrological funk going on or what, but since my birthday in July challenges that have previously felt insurmountable have been overcome.
I feel light and lucky and really happy and long may it continue.