I’ve found myself looking at these tulips this week and taking deep breaths, trying to remain calm, trying not to cry, trying not to let the grump get to me. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully.
Halfway through the week I let their vase run dry and got home to find their heads almost touching the table. I wrapped them tightly in newspaper, replenished their water supply and nursed them back to straightness. I prolonged their life but the petals are starting to fall.
You’d think it would be impossible to have a bad week when you have these lovely tulips in the house wouldn’t you? Their pretty image screams life is perfect in shades of pink and peach, but the photo lies and belies the truth behind the week I’ve had.
It’s been a snappy-snappy-snap kind of a week. Do you ever get into a funk for no valid reason? And then get even more moody because you know it’s a self indulgent waste of time and energy. You know you need to rise above and pull yourself out of it but you’re stuck. That’s where I’ve wound up this week.
The irony is that what I suspect may have triggered it was Sun’s own issues with dealing with his emotions this past week. He is so tired since starting school and he is really struggling some days to keep it all together. You can literally see him unwind when I get to school to collect him sometimes. It’s like he has been managing to behave like a sensible human all day long and then when school is over, pnaw, like a spring uncoiling, it’s all over.
The littlest thing can set him off. Last week it was who got to push the exit button at his school door. Suffice to say, it wasn’t him, and a tantrum ensued to rival those he had when he was half the age he is now. He’s a lot bigger now though so picking him up and plopping him in his car seat is not an option. Instead I had to ride out the tantrum in public view. Eventually I got him home and he cried on and off between bouts of shouting at me for a good while until I put us both out of our misery and put him to bed.
Times like those are what people are referring to when they say parenting is hard work. By the time he was in bed I was emotionally drained. If I find it hard work to keep it together and not scream stop shouting at me when I’m tired and have been pushed to my limits, then I get that for a 5 year old this is very much a work in progress.
Sometimes this parenting thing feels very much like I’m winging it. I’m doing on the job training as I’m still teaching myself really how to deal with issues I’m now expected to teach my children. Toughest job in the world? Damn right.
Looking forward to laying these tulips to rest tomorrow and picking up some fresh flowers to start the week over.
Depressing stuff? Go and look at pretty things over with Mammasaurus, that’ll make you feel better. Works for me!