Oh my goodness. Just three more sleeps to go until I jet off into the sun for a fortnight at a Caribbean spa. Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch. Scratch that. That would be amazing.
I am not going to the Caribbean, but I am going away without my family for three days to visit a dear, dear friend who lives in Geneva. It might not be sunshine and spa treatments but I don’t care. I am going to try to revel in every second away. It will be the first time in over a year that I have been away without children. Also, the last few times I’ve been away on my own I’ve been pregnant so this is the first time I feel like I’m going away again on my own.
I’m looking forward to weeing by myself, and sleeping through the night for the first time in nearly 18 months. Of course, I will probably wake through the night in a fitful state, fretting that I’ve forgotten to feed the baby, but I can go back to sleep. And much as I’m excited about the idea of sitting in the airport reading a magazine…on…my…own, I’m sure there will also be a tiny part of me missing my little family of three before I’ve even left the country.
I don’t think you can tell people what to appreciate before they have children because you just can’t believe it until you’re living it and the experience is different for everybody. For me though, it really feels like I’m leaving a piece of myself behind. Maybe that right there is telling me I need to do it more often as if I delve a little deeper could it mean that I don’t consider myself whole or as an individual any longer? Now I see myself as Blue, Mother of Sun and Shine, Wife of Bird.
Difficult as it will be, I am really going to try not to spend the whole time worrying about Bird and my babies. I’m going to concentrate on going for as many wees alone as possible and I will force myself to stay in bed past 8am.
Who ever said that motherhood puts you in danger of losing your identity? Bah! I will prove them wrong! To Geneva I go, to look for a little piece of myself I may have misplaced!