Oh no, I don’t really fancy myself anymore!

It’s nearly 3pm in the afternoon and I’ve just looked in the mirror for the first time today. I don’t really like what I see. I see a frumpy, tired woman with hair that’s long grown out of the style it once had, dressed in boring black clothes, with not a skerrick of makeup to be seen. I woke late this morning and rushed about the house getting us ready for the preschool drop-off. There wasn’t any time to consider what to wear, to have a shower, or to do my hair, let alone time to put on make up.

This is bad though isn’t it? Bad for my relationship and bad for my self esteem. How do people manage it though? I find it quite sad to admit that I feel I need clothes, make up, shoes and handbags to feel sexy. Gone are the days where I can prance around the house in a silk cami and knickers and feel hot. Now I need help from outside forces.

If I don’t find myself attractive or feel like a sexual being, what does this mean for Bird? Surely it would be hard for him to find me attractive if I don’t even like what I see in the mirror.

I’d like to do something about it, I really would, but I struggle to see how I can find the time and the finances to get back to fancying myself. How do people do it? Is it possible to feel better about yourself without spending a penny?

There are more questions than answers really in this post. One thing I know though is that I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way. Having children has meant I’ve slowly transferred all the time and money I used to spend on myself, to them. Bird loves me as I am – it’s just as well – but I think I need to find a way to reinvent what I look like as a woman in her early thirties and stop clinging to the image I have of myself that’s dated late twenties and pre-children. Something’s got to change from within.

And I should really get up earlier so I can shower before leaving the house. That would probably make me feel about a thousand times better when I get around to looking in the mirror at three in the afternoon.

2 responses to “Oh no, I don’t really fancy myself anymore!

  1. Definitely get where you’re coming from. I haven’t yet had the strength of will to blog about the 5 grey hairs I’ve found over the past few weeks! I figure once Baby arrives I’ll get around to sorting myself out then.
    Good luck with it all.

  2. I can completely identify with this. It’s only now my little one is 6months old – and by taking advantage of the recent sales and treating myself to a few bits and pieces – that I am starting to feel like my old self again. I still have to force myself into the shower each day which definitely helps with feeling at least more human! I’m trying to be more active too by taking the baby out walking as much as the weather allows…all that pushchair pushing is good for trying to get into some kind of reasonable shape again. Jx http://ju-musings-on-life.blogspot.com/

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