How to move house with a crawling baby and a marauding preschooler

Hello! I’m here, on the other side. London is back there and here I am in sunny Hertfordshire. We are in our new home and I’m working my way through unpacking. I say working my way through because I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a crazy idea to try and move house with two small children and no help. So really the title to this post should be a question rather than a statement as I don’t have any magical tips to give you. I can tell you what I did learn though and definitely what to avoid.

Do not agree to visit family, who are a three hour drive away, the day after you move into a new home. You will not feel like doing a six hour round trip, especially if your children decide that they won’t be lulled to sleep by the motion of the car.

Do ask a passing stranger on the street to watch your children while you sign off the end of tenancy clean on your soon-to-be-old home. If you take them inside with you the smallest crawling child will crawl straight onto freshly washed carpet and leave little baby tracks across the room while the preschooler will decide now is the perfect time to have their first wee-related accident in four months and will stand and piss on the floor. It is not ideal to use paper from the recycling bin to clean this mess up but if you should find yourself with nothing else to hand then this will suffice.

Do not agree to take your children on an Easter egg hunt the morning of the home move. Injecting copious amounts of sugar and caffeine into small children who you then expect to sit quietly and fall asleep while you drive round the neighbourhood killing time waiting for removal men to finish is not a good idea.

Do not leave taking your water meter reading until the last minute. Check beforehand that you can remove the cap on the street without the need for a small crane. Asking random strangers to help you attempt to lever off said cap with a butter knife will be met with laughter. Attach leads to your children while you sweat trying to get the cap off. It is far better than sitting on the crawling child and asking the preschooler to hold your coat while you wrestle with the cap on the pavement of a busy road.

Do not leave small children unattended with permanent markers present at any time, new house or old.

And on that note, I must say farewell. The children are waking and waiting to cause mayhem while I attempt to make the house safe enough for me to resume normal service. That is, flit about on the internet whilst keeping only half an eye on them as they perfect their independent play skills.


9 responses to “How to move house with a crawling baby and a marauding preschooler

  1. I love the fact that, though it was obviously a stressful time, you have filled it with humour and somehow made me feel like moving house isn’t actually that bad. Genius! Oh, and how DID you get the cap off in the end?

    • Thanks. You moved recently too so I’m sure the pain is fresh in your mind. Last time we moved I was pregnant and I just directed but couldn’t do an awful lot. I was thinking this time round I should have thought about conceiving just to avoid all the hard work, but then quickly realised the shortsightedness of my thoughts 🙂

  2. Ah the joys of moving house. Funny post although I bet it wasn’t funny for you at the time. All the best with settling in and hope you do better than us-We moved last May and we’re still not sorted!

    • There’s always those last few boxes of odds and ends that you never seem to get round to isn’t there. We have a loft to hide them in though so I can forget about them 😉

  3. Welcome to your new home and hope that you are all very happy starting the next chapter of your life! Sounds like you had an ‘interesting’ time during the move – I love your sense of humour and the do and don’t list – made me laugh out loud! Enjoy the unpacking – we still have a barn full of boxes 6 years down the line…mmmm time for a car boot sale me thinks this year.

  4. Very difficult! Although your idea very exclusive and easier than other. Hope it’s mostly appreciative for the people who desire to move soon. 🙂

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