Protocol for Morning Peace

Am I the only person who has a door protocol in their house for the mornings? It struck me as I was helpfully, er, reminding (definitely not nagging) Bird last night of the correct door arrangement that maybe I was a bit mental.

No idea what I’m on about? Maybe your children sleep through anything. Mine, sadly, do not. I swear, they wake if they hear me turn over in bed and they even so much as suspect it’s time to get up.

They both have Groclocks (no, not being paid to mention these, they are bloody brilliant though) and are good at staying in bed until ‘the sun is up’ on their clocks, but if they hear me up and about sometimes it’s too much for them to bear to stay in their rooms.

In my perfect dream life, every morning would look like this: me, gently easing into the day, with a pastry and coffee, having a chance to wake properly before greeting my little cherubs.

morning pastry and coffee in peace

In an ideal world, my morning shower would not be in front of an audience of two munchkins demanding breakfast. Or asking me why I’m shaving my armpits. I don’t appreciate having to get into a discussion about how it’s okay to leave your armpits hairy if that’s how you flow, but equally okay to remove said hair if you prefer. Not a discussion I want to be conducting 5 minutes after I wake.

In order to keep the children in bed so I can shower in peace there has to be a strict door protocol.

When Bird gets up, an hour before me, he should…sorry, I’ll rephrase… it would be lovely if he could, follow the door protocol. Let me lay it on down:

– Leave our door slightly ajar, as it squeaks and me opening it an hour later will wake Shine.
– Leave the stair gate at the bottom of the stairs unlocked, as the clicking will wake Sun.
– Close the door behind the stair gate, or it will rattle and bang due to the cross breeze created when he opens the bathroom window after his shower.
– Pull the kitchen door closed, but don’t close it completely, to buffer the sound of Bird leaving the house via the back door.Β He couldn’t possibly leave via the front door, my god, the noise would wake both Sun and Shine.

As I said the door protocol out loud last night I was laughing a little nervously as I realised it sounded a teensy bit OTT.

Now seeing it written down I am considering phoning my GP and arranging some sort of counselling. I am clearly mental.

Or just a mother who loves her sleep, loves undisturbed showers and 5 minutes alone to wake up before launching into another day.

You decide.

Please tell me you have equally bonkers protocols in place in your house!

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12 responses to “Protocol for Morning Peace

  1. I’m completely with you on this! If you’re mental – and anything is possible πŸ˜‰ – then so am I. As understanding as he is, the lovely man in my life just doesn’t seem to quite get it enough to be able to comply though….Jx

    • Given you’re my twin I should have known you’d be with me on this πŸ™‚ Bird only manages to perfect the protocol about 3 mornings out of 5 I’d say. I think as it’s not his sleep at risk his care factor is a lot lower than mine!

  2. Oh dear and couldn’t stop laughing and no you are not mental. You are a mom. A sweet mom that wants the extra hour sleep and deserves it. The door policy is brilliant. Print & post!

  3. My daughter’s room is right by our very noisy and heavy front door. When my husband or I come home once she is in bed (during naps or in the evening) my husband and I resort to going through the communal areas, jumping over the fence and entering safely through the back door. It is quite ridiculous. I’m proud to say that we haven’t stooped so far as to ask my mum (or other guests) to try and leap over the fence when she arrives during naps. Well not yet anyhow.

  4. Yes! I know the precise measurements I need to leave doors ajar to minimize squeaking. The stair gates are to remain propped open when the boys are napping/sleeping as going in and out makes too much noise. Fans and noise machines must always be turned on in the boys’ room as well as Mia’s room to provide as much white noise as possible. I even keep my pantry door slightly ajar at night as it makes a clicking sound when when opened (I need access to sugar for coffee in the morning). And that quiet morning cup of coffee? I set my alarm to wake up at least 30 min. before the boys usually wake up in order to get that blissful few minutes of peace. If you’re insane, so am I. Glad to have the company.

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