As Fragile as a Tulip | HDYGG

pink purple peach tulips | bluebirdsunshineI’ve found myself looking at these tulips this week and taking deep breaths, trying to remain calm, trying not to cry, trying not to let the grump get to me. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully.

Halfway through the week I let their vase run dry and got home to find their heads almost touching the table. I wrapped them tightly in newspaper, replenished their water supply and nursed them back to straightness. I prolonged their life but the petals are starting to fall.

You’d think it would be impossible to have a bad week when you have these lovely tulips in the house wouldn’t you? Their pretty image screams life is perfect in shades of pink and peach, but the photo lies and belies the truth behind the week I’ve had.

It’s been a snappy-snappy-snap kind of a week. Do you ever get into a funk for no valid reason? And then get even more moody because you know it’s a self indulgent waste of time and energy. You know you need to rise above and pull yourself out of it but you’re stuck. That’s where I’ve wound up this week.

peach tulip | bluebirdsunshine

The irony is that what I suspect may have triggered it was Sun’s own issues with dealing with his emotions this past week. He is so tired since starting school and he is really struggling some days to keep it all together. You can literally see him unwind when I get to school to collect him sometimes. It’s like he has been managing to behave like a sensible human all day long and then when school is over,  pnaw, like a spring uncoiling, it’s all over.

The littlest thing can set him off. Last week it was who got to push the exit button at his school door. Suffice to say, it wasn’t him, and a tantrum ensued to rival those he had when he was half the age he is now. He’s a lot bigger now though so picking him up and plopping him in his car seat is not an option. Instead I had to ride out the tantrum in public view. Eventually I got him home and he cried on and off between bouts of shouting at me for a good while until I put us both out of our misery and put him to bed.

purple tulip | bluebirdsunshine

Times like those are what people are referring to when they say parenting is hard work. By the time he was in bed I was emotionally drained. If I find it hard work to keep it together and not scream stop shouting at me when I’m tired and have been pushed to my limits, then I get that for a 5 year old this is very much a work in progress.

Sometimes this parenting thing feels very much like I’m winging it. I’m doing on the job training as I’m still teaching myself really how to deal with issues I’m now expected to teach my children. Toughest job in the world? Damn right.

Looking forward to laying these tulips to rest tomorrow and picking up some fresh flowers to start the week over.

Depressing stuff? Go and look at pretty things over with Mammasaurus, that’ll make you feel better. Works for me!

Mammasaurus and How Does Your Garden Grow?

31 responses to “As Fragile as a Tulip | HDYGG

  1. It’s hard work for a little boy to keep his emotions in check all day long while he’s at school and he needs to release it when he gets home, he’ll get used to being more in control of his emotions as he gets older but for now he needs to shout. Don’t take it personally, try to talk x #HDYGG

  2. It gets better. My son is eight and he’s past most of the really serious emotional stuff now. My daughter is five and still in the thick of it, so I understand. Hang in there. 🙂

  3. Sorry to hear you’re sad 😦 I hope a fresh bunch of flowers puts a smile back on your face. The colours in those tulips are fantastic! x

  4. I am not looking forward to the start of school age – my heart breaks for you. It is the toughest job in the world and even harder to remind yourself to keep it together without getting too angry at the kids. Buying new things – especially flowers – always makes me feel better – plant/shopping therapy.

    • Yes, any parents who manage to never shout or get angry at their children must have a much better grasp on their emotions than I do! I’ve been out and filled the house with hyacinths and daffodils and am feeling MUCH better already x

  5. i definitely know those funks and then feeling even worst because of guilt because really… why am i in a funk? i’m sorry to hear you have had a hard week. sometimes it is just that way, isn’t it? your tulips are beautiful and i hope better days are ahead for you all

  6. Ahhh and oh dear in equal measures. Ozzy is about to turn 5 and he gets so tired after school that the slightest thing turns him into what I can only describe as full blown pre-menstrual weepy woman mode. I does get better but that doesn’t help it when it’s happening sadly.
    So lovely to have the tulips to look at the bring a temporary moment of joy.
    I felt a lot like you describe a couple of weeks back and I really struggled to blog much as it felt a bit false to be all ‘happy happy’ when I felt so sad inwardly. Hopefully writing it down has helped a bit x

    Thanks for joining in again – pretty tulips from pretty you x

    • LOVE your description of the boys as pre-menstrual weepers. That is definitely how I’d describe Sun too. Here’s to the half term hey! And I feel much better already just by having got it off my chest. I try and stay away from writing ‘poor me moany posts’ because who wants to read those all the time, but I think it’s important to keep it real too. Don’t want to be all cupcakes and roses 🙂 xxx

  7. I could have written that last autumn. We took DD out of school – not practical for so many people and not really for us but you know – and I have to say I’ve seen huge steps forward. I hope you feel better soon but you’re not alone & those funks spring on everyone now and again.

  8. I just love tulips, they are so simple yet perfectly colourful. Sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough week. We are all winging it, or at least I hope it’s not just me!

  9. Oh this has just made me want to give you a hug you poor thing 😦
    I can definitely relate to those rubbish feeling low for no reason and then it getting worse because you know it’s for no reason days/weeks….as does my poor husband who often faces the brunt of it!!
    I hope some new flowers will bring with them a lift in your mood xx

  10. This is my biggest challenge — trying to keep my emotional balance as my kids completely derail — and I fail miserably at it the majority of the time. Thankfully they have ups & I really try to go up with them (unless their “up” is immediately following a major all day down then I throw my hands in the air and go lay down on my bed and read & let them prance about) … Thanks for sharing the good & not so good– it helps us all

    • Thanks for commenting and reminding me I’m not alone in finding it tough. Sometimes it feels like everyone has it together and it’s hard to remember we don’t always see everything that’s going on. Thank you x

  11. We have these weeks sometimes! I’ve just had one that’s left me whingey myself – including losing my treasured writing partner – but, in your case very apt – ‘the sun will shine again’. You are too good a mother not to have though of this, but is it someone in particular getting him down? It’s so hard to put these things into words when you’re little.

    • Oh big boo to losing your writing pal. Not good. I don’t think there’s one particular issue with Sun and school, although I might try talking to him about it again in case I’ve missed something. Thanks for the advice, wise words as always x

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  13. The flowers are beautiful. We are going through a particularly rough patch with our daughter the last couple of months and I find myself feeling guilty when I get excited at bed time. Sometimes you just need a break.

  14. Pingback: Peace For Now | {The Ordinary Moments} | bluebirdsunshine·

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